Look how far I’ve come

Look how far I’ve come

My ex-boyfriend has always read my blog. I confronted him about it maybe five months ago, I question why he read my blog. I wondered was it his narcissistic mind that made him read it my blog or was it that he actually gave a shit. His reply was what do you think? I always knew it was him because he go on in a specific way after he got blocked from Google+, Twitter, LinkedIn etc. I have a post call chirping birds, it’s 4 AM!!!! It’s a silly post, certainly not a post with any information that anybody would ever be googling for. This post was written in April 2017 and since then it has had over 152 hits. Do I have 100% proof that it’s him, no, but I know it’s him.

Yesterday he looked again and so once again I reached out to say, you read my blog all the time and yet I can never say and how are you. Is it pretty simple text no underlying meanings no other intentions. I don’t feel that way about him, but the reply came from his wife. My initial reaction was fear. Yet I read what she had to say, She wasn’t wrong. And I humbly apologize to her. I took ownership for sending a text that I told him I would never send. Even though it was so simple and it was never meant harmful in any way, I still send it. Her and I ended up having quite a few text messages back-and-forth and I found out she is actually a lovely lovely woman. When we brought up the amount of money he owed me, she gave me the reason why he wouldn’t pay me. His reasons were completely false. I knew somewhere he justified why he never had to pay me back, and he did. I wrote to her honestly that I’m not gonna get upset over this, I know he told you his side of what happened and therefore whatever I say isn’t going to make a difference so there’s no point in explaining or defending myself, and I didn’t.

My texts to her were night and day from where I was two years ago. I was always the one to have the last word, have to defend myself, or even take that last jab. When she asked why I thought he read my blog, I just explained briefly about an old post coming up. She thought he was reading it through Google plus or something. Instead of explaining how my blog works, I just let it go. I wasn’t looking to start a fight between them. However I’m pretty sure I won’t be seeing that blog post show up ever again in my stats. I was so proud of myself because i never took a defensive stance, we were able to have a nice conversation. What’s more amazing is I didn’t have to think about it it was like automatic. It just showed me how much I changed.

Part of the reason I reached out to him was because I have forgiven him for the past and I guess I just was looking to prove it, maybe. In the conversation with his wife, I realized he hasn’t change and the universe showed me an extremely amazing gift. He hasn’t learned honesty or responsibility yet. He hasn’t changed from who he was when i knew him. Why would I ever want that kind of friend in my life? All my friends who really read this don’t even understand why ever wanted him on my life from the beginning but certainly now even just to say hi every six months, do I really need that kind of person in my life anymore? I don’t want to say I feel bad for her because I really do hope that they’re happy and she genuinely seemed happy. She really was quite impressive yesterday and understanding that there’s two sides to every story and then there’s the truth. She quiet excepted the fact that she only had part of the information of what really happened in my relationship and there was something very comforting about that. I just felt lifted and just so proud of myself. Ironically I didn’t get the response that I was expecting, I got the response I needed. I hope he just stays away from my blog now. He has no reason to be reading it. Yesterday was such a wonderful lesson how far I come and how much work I’ve done. It really felt good.

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