I have to admit something, since I started taking Prozac again, I stopped crying over everything. I was literally crying over everything good and bad, happy and sad, it didn’t matter. I didn’t want to believe it but I was not altogether. It’s been maybe 5-6 months I’ve been back on it and I realized something the other day.
I am happy
Is my life perfect, absolutely not, but I’m happy. I started my spiritual journey over a year and a half ago and as much as I tried I felt sad still. Prozac was my missing piece. I was on it for almost 18 years and stopped for no reason and I guess my body needed it to balance out. Once it was put back in very subtly it did just that, it balanced my emotions. It did it so subtly that I don’t think I realized it until the other day when I realized I am happy.
I use to think happiness was measured in a relationship. I was one of those girls that “disappeared” when I was in a relationship with a guy. I lost friends over the years because of it and hurt friends over the years because of it. Why? Because I never wanted to be alone. I was scared maybe or embarrassed, I don’t know what the true reason was, I just knew to me I always thought the key to happiness was being with someone. Unfortunately my someone’s were never the right someone for me and I still gave up all of me to be in the relationship so I wasn’t alone.
I finally realized this the other day, I like being alone. I like the quiet of my home. I like the feeling of being in my home watching tv with my puppies near me.
I like going out to dinner with my friends. This morning I stopped by my mother and stepdad’s house just so I could get a kiss and a hug. I like my life. Do I struggle with the MS, of course. It isn’t easy and it’s not going to get easier. However I think that I really am so lucky with everything around me that I truly am happy most of the time. It’s not an act. It was such a peaceful feeling to know that I am simply happy.