Replacing my fears with the beginning of love

Replacing my fears with the beginning of love

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The concept of love replacing fear is a major lesson in a course in miracles. It seems easy enough in some parts of my life but it is increasingly harder in other parts.  First is my fear over money. I’m always worried about being able to pay me bills. This is one area that my life coach and I have been working on for a while. I’m trying to retrain my thoughts, manifest abundance and think everyday without the fear. It is very hard but I recognize this fear and now I have reached the point I can recognize the negative thoughts I have concerning money.  The second fear is my much darker fear. I know it, I’ve verbalized it but I have to learn to change my thoughts about it. The fear is my MS.  It’s not just the daily fear and challenges I mentally deal with but the future the unknown.  It’s scary and the parts that make it dark is the unknown. The “what ifs” and all I’m doing is creating a future that can’t be good. I’m future tripping. I’m basing my thoughts on things that aren’t factual, certainly not set in stone and worse not even known.  I’m making up stories in my head about my future and I’m reacting and getting scared over these stories.  Anyone who has MS knows no persons disease course is the same.  What happens for one person doesn’t guarantee the same issue for another. Just because I have numbness and weakness like you do doesn’t mean that I’ll also have atrophy in my left arm or optic neuritis like you have. It doesn’t mean I’ll ever get another symptom. Also you never know what drug may come out that works wonders for you but not for someon else. Again it’s unknown and I’ve become afraid of the unknown. It goes against all the teaching and lessons I do. However today I realized this and I do what I’ve done at every beginning with my spiritual path. I surrendered my fear to my inner guide. I made a willingness to see the situation with my MS differently. I prayed for a miracle. Now I need a little support from my life coach on a mantra that I need to add to my daily routine. I want to look at my disability with different eyes not in fear. Fear brings me chaos and tears. Read my posts from the weekend if you don’t believe me. You can hear my fear. I don’t want to be scared. I need peace in this part of my life too.  For everyone that may have been following my blog and may think I’ve gone a little quirky, I must say when I’m in a calm state there is nothing like it.  It’s like being on a boat just floating on the water hearing the negativity but nothing actually bothering you. Just floating along on the water. It has truly been a wonderful feeling. I found that peace in some parts of my life and I honestly have no other way to describe the incredible feeling of it other than that boat. Ironically a boat is and always has been my most peaceful place, I love being on the water.  Imagine feeling that light your whole life!!! I’m not there yet, not close but I’m closer today than I was yesterday.

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