Hi everyone. First I want to thank everyone who reads this. Yesterday I wrote a tough blog post. Actually I wrote the blog Monday night and posted it on Tuesday. I did feel much better yesterday body wise but by the end of the day my body was shot. I woke up this morning made sure my daughter was awake and went back to bed. A first for me. I was definitely sad when I first got up today. Just down. You ever have days like that? Just sad. I followed my normal routine and worked out and it was just what my mind needed. It just put me in a good mood, I felt happy. I do have to admit I weighed in this morning and that was UGLY I am up over 7bs. Whoa…so much for putting the scale away. I have not been eating well AT ALL. I kind of woke up knowing that too. In my sheer exhaustion that I’ve been dealing with, cooking isn’t top on the to-do list. I’ve been bringing in take out, pizza mostly. Oh and I also decided to buy one of those fudge iced entenmann bakery cakes. Had that for lunch and dinner for a day. Yeah I guess I could understand the increased weight. Good thing about my resolve is I can put it on and take it off. However see how I never take off the last 20. This gain though is NOT okay. This will come off. I may never loose the last 20lbs but with the amount on my plate lately that is the least of my concerns. For 6+ years I’ve maintained my size 8 and if I stay there so be it.
This morning I got a call from one of the people I’ve had to say goodbye too. It hurt I must admit. I wanted to pick up and say hello but I knew that if I did it would be ME upset by the end of the call. She is completely innocent and wouldn’t have any idea that what the underlying issue in the relationship of how we met and the way we are in each other’s lives is the very thing that hurts me. I never told them. I didn’t know what to say. I meditated this morning luckily after she called and I had the opportunity of sending her family my love. How hard to say goodbye to innocent people because knowing them brings me pain from my past. I love them and I am so sorry I had to do this.
Finally I had a really nice lesson in my course of miracles workbook. Love knows no grievances. Remember that each person you have grievances with is a friend, a part of you and recognizing that you learn a part of you. My true self is love. My only purpose my only function. I always said I was going to write my blog everyday from my truest heart and a place of love. Hopefully each day I achieve this. I wish everyone a happy Wednesday. Wishing everyone the absolute best.
***taking my daughters advice that it’s rude to just ignore people. I did call that friend and left a message (was very happy the machine picked up). I explained how I felt and why without the blame or the pointing of a finger. I explained the element of the past that brings me pain and hurt me is just to much a reminder. I told them that I love them most importantly.