For the first time at probably two months I answered someone on match.com. I’m still under the same feeling that I don’t want to date, so I don’t really know why I reply, but her did. The conversation went back-and-forth for a bit and then I asked the question; did you actually read my profile, are you aware that I have a mess and I use a walker? Silence!!!
I can’t say that I didn’t purposely say that for a reason. I really knew he never read my profile. I knew by saying that the conversation was going to end, and I didn’t want it to continue anyway. I’m not really sure why even answered. I definitely use multiple sclerosis as a crutch when it comes to dating. I’m very aware that I have no desire to date now, and I certainly don’t want to date via Match.com or plenty of fish. I really feel that if I’m going to meet somebody or date it’s going to somebody that meets me, already seeing who I am and how I am. It’s not going to be a blind date Internet thing.
I’ve stated before in other blogs, I’m not ready to trust myself in dating. I’m in a good place with being just with me. I have enough on my plate that I don’t need to add someone else’s drams or bullshit to it. I believe, eventually, that the right person and I will meet when the time is right. That’s not now. I think one day I will be able to find someone who not only adds growth to me emotionally but spiritually as well. I believe the right guy is out there for me, but now I’m not ready to receive somebody. I’m not ready to be the right person for that person.
It’s very difficult to find the right person when you aren’t living with a chronic illness. Living with a chronic condition is very difficult and to be a person supporting the condition is a difficult position to fill. However I have met many people along the way and are very willing to be in that position. There are good people out there. I know when I’m ready that I’ll meet that person. However it has to be when I’m ready.