i wanted to go to the specialty grocery store, pick up some plant-based items I couldn’t find at the local store. It’s not a very large store, easy parking, I thought I’d be ok. I had 2 small bags with light stuff. I made it to the car, just had to get in my house.
Car to house what 20 steps. 6 steps to first landing until I can regret the chair lift.
Yet another task that completely exhausted me and what, what should I do about it? Not go? Eat shitty, cheap food that you don’t have to prepare that you don’t have to worry about your hands? Throw away the last 8 years of your hard work getting healthier to loose weight and exercise and eat right? My daughter would say “why didn’t you wait for me”. She’s at school some of this needed the refrigerator and besides next year she’s not here anyway. My sister would say “well you need to plan on this what your going to do, who is going to help you, maybe hire someone, you can’t expect mom or jack to do it. Who the fuck is going to work for 5-10 hours a week doing little things for me, picking things up, fetching so to say and better yet, HOW THE FUCK WOULD I PAY THEM? I’m on a set income and it isn’t much. My rent alone is more than 1/2 that income. My mother would say, won’t insurance pay? Like what plant do you live on I had to fight them to get my $200 walker so I can get around, you think they’ll pay for a nurses aid for 5-10 hours a week when I can mostly function on my own? I’m in that stage where I need help because I’m alone but I’m not sick enough to qualify for help from the outside.
I’m sorry for the rant but if I didn’t blog I was going to cry, so I figured scream through my words get it out then change my thinking. I know I need to just stop and breathe just felt better to vent first.