I guess I should discuss my date. It was good. He was nice funny and we had things in common. Was he exactly my type? No not exactly. The truth in advertising wasn’t exact. Age ✅ height ✅ body type….ummmmm. I being a student of a course in miracles know you can’t look at the clothes we wear aka body but he put average body type and he was a larger boy. I was a little surprised. However weight can be lost and he’s ok looking. This is my issue with weight. Years ago I was a size 18. I lost over 60lbs that I’ve kept off now for over 6 years. I workout everyday with my MS and constantly watched what I eat. To me when a person is heavy it’s a lack of caring of their own appearance. It is a complete turn off for me. I don’t need a buff gym guy or even a perfect weight guy I’m not thin by any means but I need about average. My problem with this date was I don’t think there’d be any physical attraction on my part. I was honest with him that I am talking to other people but I said nothing about the weight. I didn’t know what to say. What’s worse is he told me he gained 60lbs and I was thinking ok he knows he’s heavy he has a plan and then said he took it off. The weight didn’t make him a bad person I still had a nice time with him and laughed it’s just that physical part I don’t think will come. It’s still part of dating. I can accept people as good people thin, fat, black white, gay or straight but physical attraction is part of picking a partner too, isn’t it? We did make plans for dinner and we’ll see how it goes.
Last two relationships were love at first sight. I fell fast and hard. Since the track record on those relationships is a big goose egg, another plan of attack isn’t so bad. My past longer relationship were instant connection no work. Why? I think because they needed something from me and I needed something from them. This one I have worked on. I will never get completion from another person. I was always lacking something in my life that I tried to get from my partner. I was broken and I looked to someone else to fix me. Guess what both my longer term relationships were also looking for something or someone to fix them. No relationship can survive like that. You can’t obtain security from a person to fix your lack of security in yourself or expect love from someone to fill the void of love within yourself. It is setting up false expectations on another person and eventually those expectations will fail. It is definitely through my self discovery I’ve learned this. However just because I’m looking for the good in everyone doesn’t mean I have to settle. I’m still allowed to have a physical attraction to someone and I’m still allowed to laugh a lot with someone and I’m certainly allowed to improve my life with someone. Improve my life yes, improving any lacking in myself that is my work. Anyway my bottom line is ill go out again with this guy but I don’t think it will really go further than that and I’m still going to look around. I have 100% faith that this time I will pick a guy for the right reasons. I won’t pick someone who needs me to fix them or them to fix me. I’m looking for someone completely different than I ever had before. I know when I’m ready the universe will have my back.