I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….

How many times have I said I can do it, no big deal to pay the price for it during or after. About a month ago we were with the family in the city going to have dinner. The restaurant was only 4 blocks away, no big deal, they weren’t avenues. We certainly didn’t need a cab. It wasn’t raining too badly. After block 1 that voice inside came up saying uh oh…this isn’t going to go well. The four blocks took me over 30 minutes to walk. I fell in the middle of the street walker and all. My family was traumatized by the time I appeared at the restaurant and my mother the one person walking with me the whole way was just shaking by the time the walk was done. I think these things happen to everyone at one stage or another with a progressive disease like multiple sclerosis. We forget. We think we can still do things that we honestly can’t. The other problem with MS is yesterday you might have been able to today you can’t tomorrow you can. It almost feels like part mental mind game as well as the part physical. It’s hard to because one day you realize you have to ask for help and that takes a while to work yourself up to actually asking for it. Then one day you realize you need a cane, then walker, then wheelchair and at each stage you have to accept the fact you need these items to get around. One day your installing a chair lift because you can’t get up the stairs anymore or your ripping out your bathtub because you can’t get into it to shower anymore. One day you have a sliding board to go from your bed to your wheelchair or you have an adult diaper on because you have no control over your bladder. These are all the parts of the disease you are supposed to accept as they come up. These are the parts that affect you mentally that you try desperately to say I think I can do it when you probably can’t and really need some help either from a ride to a wheelchair whatever it may be. Most people with MS progress to some form of needing assistance. The hardest part is accepting the fact you can’t do it alone anymore. The mental part of MS the I think I can mentality. It sucks I know first hand but it has to be, you have to stay safe. If staying safe means a walker then so be it. I can tell you one thing. I know a cast on my leg, arm or anywhere else will make life a lot harder with my MS symptoms. So I’ve got my walker, 2 different wheelchairs, stairlift and all safety things in the bathroom because in the end I think I can, isn’t my reality and I know I need help. Stay cool today.

One thought on “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….

  1. This was very well said. Mom says it took a long time to get the idea in that you have to be safe. It’s not an easy concept she said. I am sure others would take comfort in what you wrote here today. truth is powerful

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: